In cruising for blog topics this week, we at Kathryn Wayne-Spindler & Associates came across this headline in People.com “How Amy (Duggar) King and Husband Dillon King Are ‘Affair-Proofing’ Their Marriage – and Why They Don’t Want Kids … Yet”
In the article, newlyweds Amy and Dillon of 19 Kids and Counting fame, talk about their wedding, honeymoon and hopes for their new life together. “It’s having fun and leaning on her faith that makes Amy feel she and Dillon will stand the test of time. ‘I think when you talk about the Lord together you become closer as a couple. You’ve got to affair-proof you marriage. I will guard it like crazy!’” relates Amy Duggar King.
Affair Proof Marriage
It begs the question – is it possible to affair proof a marriage? And if so, why wouldn’t everybody?
A recent article quoted the statistic, “25% of all American men (and some studies put the number even higher) will have extramarital affairs during their lifetime,” according to Brett and Kate McKay’s article “14 Ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage.”
There are many schools of thought when it comes to protecting a relationship against infidelity.
Praying together means staying together
One approach echoes Amy Duggar’s remarks – the strength of the couple’s religious faith can protect against the temptation to stray. Not only do most religions strongly encourage monogamy, but a strong faith also often goes hand-in-hand with regular religious devotion and attendance at a place of worship. Within a worship-environment people are often associating with like-minded, loyally-married, family-oriented people who would naturally be less likely to commit adultery themselves. In addition, some religions refer to marriage as a covenant, wherein the couple is not only promising their fidelity to each but to God as well. Breaking that promise could constitute committing a sin.
Nix Social Media
There are several strategies that suggest that doing away with social media and individual text accounts can help a couple stave off temptation. The anonymity of Facebook stalking or Snap Chatting gives people the false comfort that flirting or inappropriate texting wouldn’t hurt their spouse because “they would never know.”
Brittany Wong, author of the article, “7 Ways to Affair-Proof Your Marriage” and Divorce Editor for Huffington Post writes, “With Facebook at your fingertips, it’s all too easy to reconnect with an old boyfriend or that girl from biology class you always had a thing for in high school. It only takes a click to add him or her but ask yourself: Is it really worth the temptation?”
An alternative to completely doing away with all social media is to share a text address or Facebook page with a spouse. Some couples choose to share all of their communications so there are no secrets.
In addition to avoiding social media temptations, an article on ArtofManliness.com advises, “Stay away from online dating sites. A recent study shows that a large percentage of men who surf online dating sites are married. Virtual affairs are still affairs.”
Strengthen the Marriage
The source cause of much infidelity is a breakdown in the original relationship. The basic thought is if each party is satisfied and happy, they won’t be looking elsewhere for companionship or intimacy. Experts advise discussing expectations and putting effort into maintaining the spouse’s happiness to affair proof the marriage.
Imagine the Worst
One way to affair proof marriage is to imagine the worst outcome. When temptation is at its strongest, imagine getting caught cheating. Visualize the emotional confrontation of a partner discovering the affair. Then imagine the worst-case divorce scenario. “Not a friendly, mutual split but a knock-down, drag-out brawl of a legal action,” counsels Waterford Divorce Attorney Kathryn Wayne-Spindler, “Imagine bankruptcy, arguing over parenting time, numerous messy courtroom battles, angry ex-in-laws, and losing friendships, property and thousands of dollars in legal fees.”
Now, granted, not every divorce works out this way. Some couples truly do decide peacefully to part ways amicably. Some even stay friends. But odds are against it if one partner cheated. It’s more likely that the wounded party would strike back out of vengeful anger. The visualization technique could be useful to imagine the most horrible emotional and legal turmoil possible. Then ask, is a fling worth it?
The staff at Kathryn Wayne-Spindler & Associates hears stories almost daily of the countless ways that infidelity has damaged lives. The attorneys see multiple divorce cases involving infidelity. For more information about divorce after infidelity and how it can impact the divorce settlement, contact the Milford, Michigan law office of Kathryn Wayne-Spindler & Associates at 248-685-8888. The attorneys help clients throughout Southeastern Michigan including Oakland, Washtenaw, Genesee, Wayne and Livingston Counties. We handle cases in Milford, Highland, Hartland, White Lake, Wixom, New Hudson, South Lyon, Waterford, Commerce, Holly and Grand Blanc and many more local communities.
Written and Posted by Christine Donlon Long
Communications Specialist for Kathryn Wayne-Spindler & Associates